...as part of a residency at the wonderful Fennelly's of Callan
It’s a little over mid week, the fire is lit, three jack russells are curled up at my feet in front of the fire. Jesus, it’s bliss!
I’m here to spend the week writing, improvising, testing, and generally making bits and pieces for my new show, it’s got no name yet… but has developed in leaps and bounds already this week! Every morning I’ve gotten up at 6.30am, got straight into costume (glittery golden heels with matching clutch, a vibrant pink mini dress with zebra print trim… oh the glory!), prepared my improv session, and as soon as the customers start coming in for brekkie, we begin!
Me: “Where the fu*k am I?”
Me: “Like Oliver Callan?... are we inside Oliver Callan???”
Audience: “No, Callan is a village in Kilkenny”
Me: “Right… how the hell did I end up here???”
The audience fill in flash cards with prompts included such as “Place:”, “Event:”, “Person:”, “Transport:”, and when they pop their suggestions into my clutch hand bag, I conjure up a (usually surreal) evening of events that lead me to end up passed out on the couch at the wonderful Fennelly’s.
Here’s a taste of the trifle:
"So I arrived here to this place on Sunday, had me camel in tow, and we were just shattered after our long journey on the aul magic carpet. The camel is a cossack dancer, I'm basically a vagabond who profits off his talents, I made him do an hours street dancing (I go around with the hat) so we had enough money to hit the pub, and have a sauna. I was hangin for a sauna! Me poor aul camel took a big crap on the street, and I didn't bother to pick it up (camel shites are HUGE!). Well someone didn't like this very much, he lead me down the street, poor aul camel too, I said "here are you bringin' us to the Sauna lad?" and before I knew it we were in the police station. Not a bit funny. They thought I was takin the piss when I said we got there by flying carpet. I said yeah "from Switzerland, CERN like!" They told me CERN was for making new micro galaxies that may or may not one day turn the entire known universe inside out. I said "You've got it all wrong, CERN stands for "Carpet Elevation by Rob Nolan" so it does". They told me I'd lost my mind, and my punishment for the shite out of my mouth and on the path would be to go to mass to straighten my head out. I agreed cos I knew, at least, we were goin' somewhere with drink! The camel is an atheist so was prepared to do anything to get out of going to mass, so he distracted the cops with his wonderful dancing, knocked me out with a kick, shoved me back onto the rug, when I woke up obviously I was annoyed with me camel buddy, we had a fight, and it resulted in a head on collision with the wee pub here. Sorry about that. Have to wait for the camel to re weave the threads before we can head off. But I spotted some whiskey inside so I'd say we'll be grand!"